system error: geez, what brought you here?!

--christmas concert '05--

u know _ _ _ _, <*if i must*> every waking second i spent restless, worryng abt u more than ull ever acknwldge.. i only prayed 2 my God 4 one thng & one thng alone.. that u find & be with that someone who'll spell craziness 4u all ovr again.. i dont care if she's no _ _ _ _ _ _ _.. just as long as she could be as mad&giving as u are.. i dunno y u had 2 keep things lyk ths frm me when u knw u only magnify the hurt u inflict by doin just that.. dangled, disposable-- that's exactly what it feels lyk ryt now.. but u knw me, u knw i nvr blabber abt thngs lyk ths so u need not worry urslf to death of students holding u in contempt because ure being misunderstood.. i cant even hold ths against u.. not when its already chrstmas & the season of good cheer.. bein surrounded by all these sweet voices, i think of u all the more.. & i silently thank my God 4 there is one less lonely person in my world now.. goodnight.. goodbye..

------------------

i hate it when u obnoxiously terrorize a class on their 1st day
i hate it when ur brows furrow 2 explain a single verse of literary prose
i hate it when that AX belt of urs juts out of ur waist 2d dlightful viewng of eevan&bhabez's eyes
i hate it whenever ur outsyd class & all these students, guys,girls&gays alyk would juz crowd around u as if ur some big deal hotshot
i hate it when u say ure drunk & yet u seem 2 b more sober than an UNdrunk man
i hate it when i dont hear frm u 4 a good time & yet i could not NOT ignore u whn u fnally rmmber a SH8 u need 2 dump problms on
i hate it when u had 2 change ur profyl 2 married & mke me absnt myslf frm my classes demeriting me an incentive in ------'s class 4 prfct attndnce
i hate it when u cant have that one thng u most want & dserve
i hate it when i juz cant seem 2 say or do anythng 2 let u knw that ur gonna b olryt, that u can nvr b alone
i hate u, ur every detail, ur every peculiarity, ur every concern.. the very you!!
& i most especially hate it when i can do anythng but hate u.. *beh* Ü

---------------------

"i'd bargain with the devil.. just to be with my girl.. give me one month with her, devil.. then you may take me.. i just wanna be with my girl.."
"if you'd bargain with the devil.. then i'd bargain with my God to bring you back.."

---------------------

"so you're not lovin' me now, huh?? i told you, i don't want you getting this close to me.. i think the perfect image you had of me is all too ruined"
"whatever gave you the idea i had a perfect image of you?!"

..dawg, i saw you and i got that close to you.. and it is only when i got that close to you that i started forming THE perfect image of you.. God, i only saw perfection in you..

--------------------

christmas concert '05
.. and i couldn't even bring myself to hate you.. how could i, how could i when the children's tender voices are serenading me.. how could i hate you when i've foreseen this which has come.. i knew that soon enough you'll be with your ONE and that it's gonna be back to the bleachers for me again.. why can't you just tell me straight-up right from the very beginning that you're getting serious with her.. you knew it's gonna hurt me anyway.. and you knew i could brave it somehow.. why did you have to keep it from me that long..??

--------------------

seeing you that afternoon in that barong, God, what thoughts did i not think?! did i not think that perhaps you were giving your farewell speech?? did i not think that perhaps you were declaring an engagement to your MOST beloved?? did i not think that perhaps you were trying to look really dashing but still, you ended up looking really goofy??

.. that watching the movie ten things i hate about you is like deja vu. reminding me of how much i HATED you..

that i could never bring myself to accompany you in all those places you wanted to be accompanied to. that i have to come up with all these excuses just not to accompany you coz being with you means i could never conduct myself in a way which would not scream to your face, "Shit man, i'm more than madly in love with you."

that as you venerated HER, i silently prayed to the divine beings up there that i'd be able to hear and feel those same words too, from a lover, and if heavens should allow it.. from you.

that sometimes i wonder why you could hear THEIR hearts breaking over you.. but you selectively become deaf to the wails of your dude/ette.

that i have to stop over and over again from typing these words.. trying to brush away THESE, these things which are blurring my vision

that i aint no ms. jrn, that i aint no yspeak correspondent.. i just aint no her.. but that i would stay no matter what.. cast it in stone or steel, cast it in the hardest diamond known to man, dawg i'd stay with you.. if only that is what you wanted.. if only you could just tell me, tell me that there is something there, something not as colossal as that which you have for her.. just something sufficient enough which the days would generate more from..

that try as i may, i could never make you fall in love with your dude/ette.. and i could not blame you.. i was just never the perfect complement for you..

that once upon a time, i dreamt of holding your hands while watching the university's christmas concert. it was a beautiful sight.

that you finally went and got over the girl you loved more than all your past loves combined.. and then you fell in love with another. i looked at you and you were happy...

and i've never seen a more beautiful sight.

God.. she is indeed a very blessed wife.

......................

ow, must ask for jhen's long overdue letter.. hmmm..

now gurlfrend, need i say more about my perfection of a dream lover??

errr.. tagging you again gurlfrend, jhen, bhabez, angelourdes, eevan, phoebz, rafael, shawite!!

so what if some of those people are not visiting my site, still they have blogs and the rules never stated a must on this one

^__^

Qui êtes-vous ?